The Vampyre Versus
by Trench Mouth
Summary: The Crossover No One Wanted. With An Ending No One Saw Coming... Epic crossover fail. But should be entertaining none the less. Complete with WTF ending... Angel/Twilight/LOST SOULS?/and more!
1. The Contestants

Summary : The crossover no one wanted, with an ending no one saw coming.

This is only going to be in a dialogue-y script like format. Not sure if it would classify as a 'crack' fic but its the closest I'll ever do if it's not. I've been seein' and hearin' alot lovin' and hatin' between different fictional characters. Specifically those who are...vampiric in nature. I already consider this thing an Epic Fail. It's an Epic Crossover Fail, actually. It's a competition between four vampire Fan Favorites. It will consist also of a charismatic host, and a fine panel of expert judges. Other characters may be introduced later on as special guest stars. I may become hated by people for this. Because people seem to get incredible personal and get very hateful if anything even remotely looks like an insult is directed at one of their favorite fictional characters. To quote Holden McNeil in Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back **"They're talking about fictional characters. Fic-tion-al characters. Am I... Am I getting through to you at all?"** No insults intended here, just poking fun at all of them, really. Even my favorite characters. All in good fun. It kind of sucks, I know. But it makes me laugh.

Disclaimers will be at the end of each chapter as to not give anything away.

I will get back to my Outsiders fic. Just this idea has been bugging me for a while.

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{Setting - On stage in front of large studio audience: Spot light on host}

HENRY - Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen! My name is Henry Fitzroy, and I welcome you to The Vampyre Versus! Tonight we will judge four of your favorite vampires in categories such as : who has the most dysfunctional relationship? Who has the Best Ride? Who has the more kick-ass posse? Who has the better antagonist? The best personality? The most attractive? Best Personality? Most dazzling smile? [HENRY smiles] just to name a few. Now, before we bring out our contestants, let's introduce our judges!

[Henry motions to long table in front of the stage ]

HENRY- Our first judge is Former Tonight Show host, and current owner of 'Brodie's Secret Stash' in Red Bank, New Jersey. Everybody's favorite fan boy. Ladies and Gentlemen, Brodie Bruce!

[ BRODIE walks in from side and sits in first seat from the right. Turns and waves at cheering and applauding crowd before turning back to HENRY]

HENRY - How'ya doing, Brodie?

BRODIE - I'm doing good, Hank. Very excited to be here.

HENRY- Fantastic. Our next judge worked homicide in Baltimore, and is currently working with New Yorks finest in the SVU. Let's give a big round of applause to Detective John Munch!

[ Loud applause from audience as MUNCH comes in from the side. He waves to the crowd before taking his seat next to BRODIE ]

HENRY - Did you enjoy your flight, John?

MUNCH - No.

HENRY - Fantastic. Alright. Our next judge came all the way from London to be here tonight, Ladies and Gentlemen. The Always beautiful, Ms. Patricia 'Pussy' Braden!

[Loud applause from audience as PUSSY walks in from side entrance. She turns, blows kisses to the audience and takes her seat beside MUNCH ]

HENRY - You look quite glamorous this evening, Pussy.

PUSSY - I always look glamorous, Henry. Thanks for noticing. [ winks at HENRY]

HENRY - [laughs and winks back] And Last, but certainly not least, A child genius from Tulsa. A budding new novelist, Ponyboy Curtis!

[ Loud Applause. PONYBOY walks in, scratching his next looking around at the crowd. Timidly takes his seat beside PUSSY.]

HENRY - Glad you could make it.

PONYBOY - Thanks..

HENRY - That is it for our judges! Lets give 'em another big round of applause.

[ Loud applause]

HENRY- And now for our Contestants! First, we have a perpetual high school student from Forks, Washington, Edward Cullen!

[Loud applause and girly screams from audience as EDWARD walks in from back stage. Stands Center stage with hands in his pockets.]

HENRY - Second, from right here in Los Angeles, Former Scourge, Poet and ghost, currently a dark defender on the mean streets of L.A...Ladies and Gentlemen, Spike!

[ Loud applause as SPIKE walks out on stage, smirking and waving to the audience. Stands next to EDWARD, who he glares at momentarily.]

HENRY - Up next, a vampire from...well, from where ever the hell he wants to be, here's Zillah!

[ Loud applause as ZILLAH walks onto stage, also smirking. His arms are crossed in hostile manner. Snarls slightly at EDWARD. Gives SPIKE a slightly respectful nod before standing next to him.]

HENRY- And last, but certainly and in no way shape or form the least, Rock Star, author,and Brat Prince, Ladies and Gentlemen, I give to you, The Vampire Lestat!

[Loud chanting 'LESTAT!LESTAT!'. Girls screaming. LESTAT makes his was on to the stage, bowing and blowing kisses to the audience. LESTAT naturally stands a few steps ahead of everybody else, giving the other three vampires on stage a 'I'm better than you' smirk as the crowd quiets. ]

HENRY- And there you have it, folks! Our contestants!

[Another loud applause]

HENRY - Now before we cut to our first commercial break, let's have the judges predictions for the end of the show. Brodie, who do you think will win?

BRODIE- Well, y'know Henry, I'm gunna have to say Spike. He's tough. Totally bad ass. And I gotta say, I love that coat.

[ Round of applause from the audience. SPIKE smiles and nods toward BRODIE]

HENRY- Fair enough. Alrighty, John, who's your vamp of choice up here?

MUNCH- I have to go with Zillah. He hasn't got all the flash and Pizaz as the others, but I like his attitude. You never know what this guy is going to do next.

[Round of applause. ZILLAH smirks again, but stays aloof.]

HENRY- Alright. Pussy, comments?

PUSSY- I'm goin to have ta say Edward. I find him very beautiful and tragic.

[Applause]

HENRY- Okay, Ponyboy. You have the final word here before the commercial.

PONYBOY- Well, I am going to have to go with Lestat. He...is a great character. Very emotional and is loved very much by the people around him...and he's real cool.

[ Loud applause]

HENRY- [Smiling] Alright. It's an even playing field here tonight. We'll be right back after these messages from the new management of Wolfram and Hart.

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Disclaimers: Oh...where to start?

In Order of appearence.

HENRY FITZROY belongs to Tanya Huff. I am unable to find any of her Blood Books, but I have seen several episodes of Blood Ties and I think Henry would be a great vampire host for a vampire competition.

BRODIE BRUCE belongs to Kevin Smith. He appears in Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

JOHN MUNCH belongs to a guy named Tom Fontana, and starred in Homicide: Life on the Streets, and Law and Order SVU. He also guest starred on X-Files, Law and Order, Law and Order Trial by Jury, Arrested Development, The Beat, The Wire, and a muppet version of him appeared on a Seseme Street skit, Law and Order : Special Letters Unit.

PATRICIA 'PUSSY' BRADON belongs to Pat McCabe. Patrick/Patricia 'Pussy' Braden appears in the novel 'Breakfast on Pluto' and well as the movie with the same name.

PONYBOY CURTIS belongs to S.E Hinton. I could no resist putting a character from the Outsiders. The Outsiders is in my comfort zone.

EDWARD CULLEN belongs to Stephenie Meyers. He appears in the Twilight book series.

SPIKE belongs to Joss Whedon from the Buffy and Angel Series.

ZILLAH belongs to Poppy Z. Brite. He appears in her novel 'Lost Souls' A very good book, if you haven't read it yet.

LESTAT de LIONCOURT belongs to Anne Rice, and is almost every book in the Vampire Chronicles.


	2. Round 1: Who You Know, Part I

A/N: same disclaimers as the last chapter.

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{Fade in from black- Swooping shot of contestants on stage. Rotating wall now on side of stage. Swooping shot of Judges Table. Close-up on HENRY}

HENRY- Annnd we are back! and are charging blindly forward into Round One.

[Applause]

HENRY- But first, I'm going to explain how the points are given out here. At the end of each category, the contestants are given points, four points for first place, three points for second place, two points for third place, and one point for dead [Audience chuckles] last. With that out of the way, back to round one.

[Audience applauds]

HENRY-It's not who you _are_, but who you _know_ in round one_. _Most vampires have them, and that is usually what all the fan girls, and the occasional fan boy love about our four fine contestants. So, for the first category, it's all about their dysfunctional love-lives. Let's start off round one with Spike. Spike?

SPIKE- Yeah?

HENRY- Why don't you tell us the name of your sweetheart?

SPIKE- That'd be Buffy Summers.

HENRY- And what is the major dysfunction of this relationship?

SPIKE- That's a bit obvious, innit? I mean, well, she's human, for one. And she is the Chosen One, ya'know? The Vampire Slayer. .. [Glances over at the rotating wall]

[Rotating wall turns and reveals HARMONY]

HARMONY – The Slayer?! Ugh! Blondie Bear! How could you?! Ugh! That's just - Ugh!

[HARMONY storms off the stage. SPIKE looked over at Henry. Jerk thumb in direction HARMONY left]

SPIKE- Why the bloody hell was _she _behind the wall?

HENRY- Well, we couldn't get a hold of Buffy in Italy, but the Immortal sends his regards.

SPIKE- [eyes watering] She's still with the _Immortal_? [Hangs head and covers face with hand]

[Audience awwws]

HENRY- Alright! Moving along. Lestat, why don't you give us the name of the person behind the wall.

LESTAT- Rowan Mayfa…no, Quinn...No wait, David. No, Mona! Gabrielle. Is it my mother, Gabrielle?...David?..Marius?...Marius? No wait, Armand..Dora?...No, Gretchen! It is most definitely…David?

[LOUIS comes out from behind the wall and leaves the stage]

LESTAT- Louis! Louis! I-I-I knew it was you! Louis? Louis, I was kidding! Honestly! Louis? LOOOOUIS! [Runs after LOUIS]

HENRY- Well…I guess we can see what their dysfunction is…

[Audience laughs]

HENRY- Next, Edward, your lover is...

EDWARD- Bella Swan.

HENRY- Bella Swan. Such a pretty name. So your dysfunction is…

EDWARD- She's human…

HENRY- …anything else?

EDWARD- I really want to drink her blood.

[Murmurs in the audience]

HENRY- Well, I will remind the audience that Edward is unable to take little drinks from humans; one bite from this particular type of vampire can make you one as well. So keep in mind that this is quite a problem in their relationship.

[LESTAT comes back on stage, dragging a very cross looking LOUIS. They stand beside each other, but LOUIS is glaring at something off stage with arms crossed]

HENRY- So lets bring out Bella…

[Rotating wall turns revealing BELLA. BELLA walks over to EDWARD and hold hands. EDWARD gives BELLA a chaste kiss on the forehead]

HENRY- Adorable. Zillah?

ZILLAH – My darling lover is Nothing. And before you even ask, our dysfunction, as you probably see it, is that Nothing in my son.

[Startled gasps from the Audience]

HENRY – Let's bring out Nothing.

[Rotating wall turns and reveals walks over to ZILLAH. They give each other a long open mouthed kiss.]

[Audience applauds]

HENRY- Fantastic. Judges?

[Cut to Judges Table]

PUSSY - Well, first off, I'd love to say that you each have beautiful beaus. But, and this is my least favorite part of this job, you know...

HENRY- I know.

PUSSY- and we have chosen a winner. Spike, I'm soooo sorry to have to say this, but since you and Buffy are no longer an actual couple, I am afraid you come in last. One point.

[SPIKE nods, and the audience applauds politely]

PONYBOY- Edward, I can see your concerns with the relationship, but it's not the worst situation out there, ya know? It's actually quite a common problem with vampire-human relationships. Two points for you, this round, man.

[EDWARD nods and BELLA pats him on the back. Audience applauds politely.]

BRODIE- Lestat, none of us here on this jury understand how the hell you and Louis are still together. But you only got second place, pal. Three points.

[LESTAT pouts. Audience applauds]

LOUIS- Can I go now?

HENRY – No.

MUNCH- Now Zillah…I don't know what bothers me more…that you're sleeping with an underage boy or the fact that he's your son…both is illegal and wrong. Congrats, you are in the lead with 4 points.

[Audience applauds. ZILLAH puts arm around NOTHING]

HENRY- Our next category, we're looking for the vampire with the best teacher. The one who shaped them into the vampires we love today. Since Zillah has no one in this category, which automatically puts him dead last. We are going to skip right to Lestat. Lestat, who is behind that wall for you?

LESTAT- Marius? Yes, yes, of course it's Marius!

HENRY – Well, lets see...

[Rotating wall turns and reveals MARIUS. MARIUS walks over to join LESTAT and LOUIS]

LOUIS- Oh, you got that one right on the first try, Lestat.

LESTAT- Well, I really only ever had one —ooooh, I'm not walking into that one.

HENRY – Good idea.

[Audience applauds]

HENRY - Edward. Who do you have?

EDWARD – My father, Carlisle Cullen.

[Rotating wall turns and reveals CARLISLE. Loud cat calls from female audience members. CARLISLE walks over to join EDWARD and BELLA]

HENRY- Annd Spike. Spike, who's behind that wall?

SPIKE – [sighs] Well, I know it's not Dru back there. So it's probably Captain Forehead…

[Rotating wall turns to reveal ANGEL standing there. ANGEL crosses stage to join SPIKE. They ignore each other]

HENRY- Great group we have up here. Judges?

[Cut to Judges Table]

PUSSY – Oooh, Lestat! You're in Third place. And it is entirely your own fault! Marius has to be the greatest vampire specimen there is! His intelligent, sophisticated, and always very much in control. He could teach anyone, and they would turn about splendidly! But you! You are sooo stubborn, dearie! You didn't listen, and now you only get two points.

[Audience applauds and LESTAT laughs slightly, MARIUS rolls his eyes at LESTAT]

BRODIE – Edward, man. I have to say Carlisle did a fairly decent job raising you. Really you're a good guy, but I think he must have been lacking somewhere. I mean Jesus Fucking Christ, man. You're all like ' Waa, I'm bad because I'm a vampire. I'm dangerous, so I have to act all moody'. You never really accepted it. Work on it. Three Points.

[EDWARD nods. CARLISLE puts hand on EDWARD's shoulder. Audience applauds.]

MUNCH – I know, I know, when you first were turned, Angel, Angelus, whatever, taught you to be evil and violent and heartless and what not. But you were a damn good student. You picked it up and you went with it. As William the Bloody you may have been in Angeles's shadow, but once he got his soul, you were able to make it on your own as Spike. That's the sign of a good teacher. Four points.

[SPIKE and ANGEL exchange glances. SPIKE raises hand for high-five. ANGEL doesn't high-five. ANGEL gives SPIKE blank look. SPIKE lowers arm. Audience Applauds.]

HENRY – And this brings us to our next break. So far, it's all tied up at five points each. But there are still three more categories before the end of round one. Coming Up, we'll be looking the most kick ass posse, who has the better 'old fogie' [Audience and HENRY laughs] and, of course we want to know, who had the best nemesis. We'll be right back after this commercial for FANGTASIA: The bar with bite!

[Fades out]

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My favorite Angel season was season five. Harm if you have seen episode two of season five, you can pretty much hear what Harm is saying. The noise she made was too funny for me to leave out.

Also a good episode in Season five to check out is The Girl In Question. You may need to see it to get the Buffy/Immortal joke. I know in that episode it wasn't Spike that almost started crying for comedic purpose, it was Angel, but still.

I'm not going into great detail when I introduce the new people, but most people should already know the backstories here. And if you don't, I'm sorry.

Marius is like, on my top ten vampires ever, so is Carlisle.

I'm not trying to bash any characters more than any other ones. I know I may have seemed a bit harsh on Edward in that last category, but it wasn't me, it was Brodie Bruce, Xp. And really, Lestat is too much of a brat to have done well in that category.

FANGTASIA is the bar own by ERIC NORTHMAN, who is owned by Charlaine Harris. That's the Sookie Stackhouse novels (Or if you haven't read any of those books (which I suggest you do if you haven't) from TRUE BLOOD TV series on HBO)


	3. Round 1: Who You Know, Part II

A/N: Eh, same as last two. Anything not understood, see end of chapter.

I originally had this story in a very obscure section of crossover between vampires and Misc. books. I have since changed it to Vampires and Angel crossover section. I just moved to Angel/Twilight crossover, hoping to catch a few readers. I would like to again state that this is only for amusement purposes. I am not trying to insults anyone's fandom, or favorite characters. I love most of these characters, and enjoy poking fun at them. This whole vampire thing has just snowballed out of control. And I guess I'm just jumping on the band wagon here. Please don't hate me.

Although reviews would be real nice, you don't really have to if you don't want to. I can check the story traffic to see if people are reading it.

Also, I don't know how each individual round will end, but I already know who will be winner and runner up. I know, that doesn't make any sense, but then again, it's not supposed to.

And the reason we don't get much description here about the characters being introduced is because the judges have already read the books and know the back stories, and hopefully you all have and do too. xD

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{Fade in from black. Swooping shot over audience. Close up on HENRY}

HENRY – For our next category, we are looking for which vampire has the most bad ass posse. These guys will stick with our contestants through thick and thin and thin and thinner. We have brought two true blues for our competitors. Spike, we'll start with you.

SPIKE – Well…I'll say Peaches here [motions to ANGEL ] is one of them…and the other would be…uh…Fred?

[Rotating wall turns revealing ANDREW]

SPIKE – Oh bloody hell.

[ANDREW runs over and gives SPIKE a hug.]

ANDREW – Spike! It is sooooooo good to see you!

[Audience 'Awwws' ]

SPIKE – yeah, yeah…[ Dislodges ANDREW, who goes on to give ANGEL a hug.]

HENRY – Heartwarming. Okay, Edward?

EDWARD – Jasper and Emmett.

HENRY – wow. You're good at this. You don't even need to think about it.

[Rotating wall turns and reveals JASPER and EMMETT. They join BELLA, CARLISLE and EDWARD on stage]

HENRY – What a handsome looking group. Okay. Lestat, who's behind that wall for you?

LESTAT- One of this is defiantly David. Definitely David.

HENRY – And the other one is…

LESTAT – Uh….Gabrielle?

[Rotating wall turns and reveals DAVID and ARMAND. They cross the stage to LESTAT, LOUIS and MARIUS]

ARMAND – Oh, you thought your Mother was one of your best friends? That's very sad.

LESTAT- Ooooh, Shut up, you stupid little imp.

[LESTAT and ARMAND start to fight. LOUIS and DAVID split them up.]

DAVID – Really? Do you two have to fight right now? It's hardly the time to..

LESTAT and ARMAND – Shut up, David!

HENRY- …alrighty then. Zillah, if you please?

ZILLAH – Easy. Twig and Molochia.

[Rotating wall turns and reveals TWIG and MOLOCHIA, both are giggling. They rush over to ZILLAH. MOLOCHIA nudges ZILLAH, leans toward him and whispers, pointing over at the CULLENS. ZILLAH, NOTHING, TWIG and MOLOCHIA quiet and looked over at the CULLENS before laughing out loud. CULLENS glance at each other but don't do anything. TWIG looks over at BELLA, smirks and licks his lips. BELLA hides behind EDWARD.]

HENRY- Fantastic. Judges?

PONYBOY- well, We have a tie for third with Lestat and Spike. They are good friends, no doubt about that. But they don't seem to get along all that well. They each get two points.

[ARMAND and LESTAT avoid eye contact. ANDREW still looks happy. SPIKE is shaking his head. Audience Applauds.]

PUSSY – Edward, dearie. Your brothers are adorable. And you generally get along quite well..

MUNCH – Why do you do that?

PUSSY- Do what?

MUNCH- you try and sugar coat everything.

PUSSY- …What's your point, John?

MUNCH – He's a hundred and eight. I think he can take a little criticism.

BRODIE – Okay, look, Ed, do you spend damn near every waking moment with these two here? [Motions to JASPER and EMMETT]

EDWARD- No.

BRODIE – Ever perform any sexual act with them?

EDWARD – [cringes slightly] No.

BRODIE – Three points. Zillah, you get four points.

[ZILLAH looks triumphant, TWIG and MOLOCHIA giggle. Audience applauds]

HENRY – Nicely put, Brodie.

BRODIE – Thank you.

HENRY – Charging blindly forward. We wanna know about the old fogies. Haha, I tease. We love these old guys, they have so much to offer us…but of course, no one really listens.

[male voice from Audience ' You suck, Fitzroy!']

HENRY – [turns toward the audience] Shut up, Celluci! [ Turns back towards the stage and smiles.] Zillah, who's behind that wall for you?

ZILLAH – Oh, most defiantly Christian!

[TWIG and MOLOCHIA laugh and shout (in unison) "CHRISSY!"]

[Rotating wall turns and reveals CHRISTIAN. CHRISTIAN walks over to ZILLAH and co.]

HENRY – Nice to see you, Christian. Okay, Spike.

SPIKE- Oh…bugger. It's Angel again, isn't it?

HENRY- Yes it is. Edward?

EDWARD- Well that would be Carlisle. [Looks over at CARLISLE and smiles politely. CARLISE returns the smile.]

[Rotating wall turns and reveals a smiling ARO. ARO crosses the stage and joins the CULLENS]

EDWARD- Um…why is Aro here? I don't like him.

JASPER - …I like him.

ARO- Thank you, Jasper. You should visit more often. …And bring Alice.

HENRY – Right. Lestat?

LESTAT – Oh…It's not Marius, right? Because I never really listen to him. Hm…Oh! Oh oh oh! Khayman!

[Rotating wall turns and reveals a happy looking KHAYMAN. KHAYMAN walks over to LESTAT and Co.]

HENRY – How are you doing today, Khayman?

KHAYMAN – Um, I'm doing okay.

HENRY- Wonderful. Judges?

PUSSY- Spike, sweetheart, I hate to have to say this, [glares slightly at MUNCH] But Angel is not really a 'fogie' yet. One point.

[Audience applauds]

PONYBOY- Zillah, Christian ain't really a fogie in vampire society, either, but he does have a hundred odd years on Angel, so, yeah, two points.

[Audience applauds]

BRODIE – Eddie. Eddie Eddie Eddie. Aro is actually a very amusing person. But Unfortunately, he got put up again Khayman here. So again, three points.

MUNCH- Lestat, Khayman is a great vampire…why he is friends with you, I'll never know. Four points.

[Audience Applauds]

HENRY- okay, Final category in round one. We wanna know is, who could possibly hate any of these amazing vampires? Who would ever want to fight any of these guys? Well, whoever they are, we found them and brought them here tonight. Lestat, we're starting with you. Who is you're protagonist? You're…nemesis, if you will.

LESTAT- Uh…Armand?

[rotating wall turns and reveals nothing at all.]

LESTAT- …I don't understand. Is it Armand? [Looks around and sees ONCLE JULIEN standing to his right. LESTAT screams and faints. ARMAND kicks LESTAT while he is down. ONCLE JULIEN has a laugh at LESTAT's expense...]

HENRY- …Oh….okay…Edward?

EDWARD- [sighs in annoyance] Oh… Jacob Black.

[Rotating wall turns and reveals JACOB.]

JACOB – Do I have to go over there? [Points to where the CULLENS stand]

HENRY – Yes. Yes you do.

[JACOB grumbles but walks over.]

HENRY- Zillah?

ZILLAH – Oh…Oh, there's two of 'em…oh…GOD what are their names?....Nothing, what are their names?

NOTHING – Steve and Ghost.

ZILLAH – Steve and Ghost.

[ rotating wall turns and reveals STEVE and GHOST. STEVE looks pissed off. GHOST is smiling and waving. GHOST drags STEVE across the stage. GHOST gives NOTHING as hug. STEVE mutters something about 'stupid vampires' and JACOB agrees.]

HENRY- And big bad Spike. Spike, you must have a long list of people that would be behind that wall. Who do you think it is?

SPIKE – Well, It's not the Immortal, right? He's still in Italy, you said. And there is now way in hell that they let Pavane out of his little cell at Wolfram and Hart…and I don't think you'd just keep throwing Peaches here in my face. So I'll say…Dracula.

[Rotating wall turns and reveals DRACULA.]

DRACULA – Why am I even here?

SPIKE- You own me 20 dollars, you git! [Attacks DRACULA. ]

HENRY- Sure. Judges?

PUSSY – Oh, oh, oh. Edward, I am sorry to have to say this, but you are forth in this one. Jacob is a werewolf. You're natural enemies outside of the Buffyverse..

SPIKE – The what?

PUSSY – Nothing. Point is it is a generic battle. One point.

JACOB – take that, you leech.

[Audience Applauds]

MUNCH – Zillah, you got two humans who hate you. Not that impressive. Now, one of them does happen to be a very gifted, and slightly odd, human, but still. Two points.

PONYBOY - …when Lestat wakes up, somebody tell him he has three points?

[Audience Applauds.]

BRODIE – Hoooly Shit, are you guys seeing this? We got Spike fighting Dracula right here on our stage! How cool is that? He's got four points.

[Audience Applauds.]

HENRY – Well, that's the end of round one. We have Lestat in first place with 14 points. Zillah is in second with 13, and Edward and Spike are tied at third with 12. It's close right now, but we aren't done yet. Coming up, in round two, we have such categories like who has the greatest smile? The best hair? Sharpest dresser? And we have a fantastic guest judge, so stayed turned after these commercials.

[Fades out and TRU BLOOD ad comes on ]

{Meanwhile, in screening room Backstage. BELLA sits alone in a chair, waiting for CARLISLE, JASPER and EMMETT, who were currently stuck talking to ARO. TWIG and MOLOCHIA walks into the room, and sit on either side of BELLA. MOLOCHIA smells BELLA's hair, and tells here she smells good. TWIG smiles and says 'I bet you taste likes Cherries.' MOLOCHIA says 'Oooh, I love cherries!' TWIG and MOLOCHIA laugh and BELLA starts to cry.}

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Oh, where to start?

Well, Dracula owes Spike twenty dollars. Money he spent of a copy of a signed copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula he bought for Drusilla when it first came out in 1897. Spike hated the book; felt ripped off and angry that all their secrets were out and is now enemies with Dracula.

For those who have not read Lost Souls?, read it. I'm not going into too much detail about anything. No spoilers if you haven't read it. If you want to know what they all look like from Lost Souls? Go to Wikipedia.

Khayman is my absolute favorite vampire of all time. I adore Ghost and Steve. And Armand. I also Adore Twig and Molochia. Jasper and Aro and Jacob are pretty cool, too. Andrew is good too. Hims so cute ~_~ ! On the flip side, I really hate Edward and Bella.

ONCLE JULIEN is a ghost that haunts Blackwood Farm. In BLOOD CANTICLE by Anne Rice, Lestat admits to being afraid of ghosts and angels. Oncle Julien haunts him in the book for turning Mona into a vampire. In Memnoch the Devil, when first confronted with the ghost of Roger, Lestat runs out of the house he is in screaming like a little girl. I had him faint for fun. And so Armand could kick him. Hoho.

Mike Celluci is also from Blood Ties with Henry, and is always fighting Henry for Vicki's affection. Mike is human and a cop.

Read the Vampire Armand if you have not yet done it. Just do it and thank me later.

Andrew Wells is from Buffyverse, reformed super villain and currently a Watcher. Again, in Angel season five, he appeared in two episodes, Damages, and The Girl in Question.

Fred, is Winifred Burkle, from Angel, season 2 to 5. They became friends early in season 5.

Is it just me, or does ARO have this weird thing for Alice? Did anybody else notice that in the books?


End file.
